The Cube According to Gatherer, Part 19 – Oh Fortuna!

 

Welcome back to the slowest developing Magic: the Gathering Cube on the Internet!  In each installment, I ask Gatherer to fetch a random card.  I toss it in the Cube, then design a card in an attempt to make sense out of a chaotic world gone mad.  Then I double back and let Gatherer mock me with another card, while I desperately spackle a crumbling pier of cardboard with another self-designed card.  Ride a painted pony, letting the spinning wheel spi-i-i-i-in.  Does anyone else think that the wheel of fortune from the tarot deck resembles the medieval torture device the breaking wheel?  No, just me?  Okay, just me.

Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn!  Tell us the lesson that we should learn!

 

 

 

Vedalken Dismisser.  Well, this is certainly… a card.

Gatherer’s rating for the Ravnica Dismisser is a terrible 1.890.  That fits somewhere among winners like Feedback, Mire Shade and Virtuous Charge.  I never understood the negative press.  Not that I think Dismisser is a great card, but I often found a copy in my Ravnica draft decks.  It tended to fill the important role of doing something a six-cost card could do for six mana.

Dismisser has the strength of a bear with the power to ebb time.  Wait.  That sounded unnecessarily awesome.  Let’s scale that description back some.  Dismisser has the strength of a gutter rat with the power to repel you.  I think I went too far in the other direction.  He has the strength of a transient philosopher, with the power to retreat?  The strength of a goblin pirate/janitor, with the power to run ships aground?

The key point is that the card isn’t exciting, but it’s an easy splash for most draft decks in an environment full of signets and karoos.  And in the late game, it can upgrade Unsummons into Repels (by bouncing and replaying the Dismisser.)  Sure, it’s expensive.  But if it wins you the game, then it wins you the game.

Truth is, I don’t need to design anything specific to ‘fix’ Dismisser for this cube.  It does a fine job as a late pick for any (non-power) cube.  It’s an expensive add to our Unified Will theme, but it works, supplying a body while temporarily decreasing your opponent’s creature count.  That theme sure could use more cards to help it out.  In fact, let’s do that.

 

 

We’re checking off a number of boxes with this card.  Both Spirit and Zombie tribal are represented.  The Psychopomp advances our pro-aura agenda (with the added bonus of deflecting Pacifisms.)  And, like we mentioned before, it pushes blue’s agenda for more creatures.

Let’s move on.  Hitting the random button on Gatherer, I get…

 

 

Heh.  Okay, that’s a veto.  I did wonder for a second if I was supposed to cobble a contraption side theme together.  But we’re too far into the process to add entirely new element to the game.  Maybe I would’ve done it if this was week ten.  But I’m unwilling to throw away all the card slots that are left to swallow a gift horse.

Let’s try again.

 

 

Hey!  Shivan Wurm is fun, and an acceptable choice for most any cube.  Of course, the more enter/leave the battlefield triggers you got, the better the Wurm.  Flame Tongue Kavu‘s trigger is gravy the first time.  The second time, it’s poutine.

I was excited when I saw Shivan Wurm, in a multicolor combination which isn’t in the Cube yet, ready to c-c-combo with the cube.  That’s when I realized the cube’s theme in Red/Green is sacrifice.  That’s… not a combo.

That said, there’s a counter theme in this cube.  Sure, it’s in all five colors.  But two of the green creatures include a “Remove a +1/+1 counter as a cost”.  If we add some red ‘countershapers’, the Wurm player might find prime bounce material.

 

The buccaneers are involved in some interesting risk taking.  If you play this on round four, then activate it on round five, you might discard the Shivan Wurm in your hand.  The safe play would be to cast Shivan Wurm, then with it on the stack, activate the Buccaneers.  But that requires eight mana.  Are you patient enough to wait for eight?  Should you play it safe, but aggressive, by not activating the Buccaneer before returning it with the Wurm?  Or plunder the booty for maximum card selection potential?  How many cards must I design before Aven Envoy becomes playable?

Alright, let’s move on.  Whatchu got for me Gatherer?

 

 

Woah Nellie!  Inferno is price-y, but it’s also wins games-y.  At instant speed no less.  Talk about a combat trick.

Inferno is a great follow up to a 7/7 Shivan Wurm.  But team Wurm’s utility creatures are destined for the bin.  It works better for the red/green sacrifice deck.  Trade your creatures for resources, then trade your Inferno for your opponent’s creatures.

The obvious card to design (to me) would be a spell that sacrificed creatures for fast mana.  But we already got one.  And with multiple wrecking balls in the cube hanging out in the 7+ cost zone, I’m unwilling to keep walking that road.  I thought about making a Perilous Forays variant, but that’s the same fast mana problem masquerading as a card advantage solution.

What other effect can Green do that’s great before the Inferno?  How about Animate Land?

 

 

The plan has been to give the cards with a “Whenever you sacrifice” trigger an ‘expensive’ way to sacrifice, with the intention that other spells can operate as a cheaper outlet.  But there isn’t enough cheap outlets in this set.  I need to work on that.

Another odd note:  The sacrifice used to cost .  And even at that cost, I was uncomfortable with the ability.  That is, until I restricted the activation to only work before combat.  Being able to make your opponents’ creatures 3/3s mid-combat is strong.  The ability to reduce a creature’s toughness to 3 after combat damage is abusive.  And while I’m aware that it’s technically in Green’s share of the color pie, I never felt that these kinds of tricks belong in Green.  Turning a gleaming knight into a frog mid-combat is more suited to Blue shenanigans.

Oh, I’m fine with polymorphing in Green.  I just think it makes sense for Green to take its time with a transformation sequence.  First Bruce Banner’s eye color changes.  Then the back of his shirt rips.  Then his patent purple pants explode at the thigh line.  Then he screams at the sky.  You have a chance to respond to all of this.  You’re still a dead man.  But there’s time to poop your pants first.

Next card…

 

 

Nice!  Since basic lands are plentiful in Gatherer, our made up rules ask Gatherer for another card, then color shift that card to Red.  What do you got for me Gatherer?

 

 

Goblin Mountaineer is already red.  This seems like a dead-end, but I got a rule in my back pocket for this exception as well.  It turns the card colorless.

There’s nothing stopping me from changing the casting cost to , adding ‘Artifact’ to ‘Creature – Goblin Scout’ and calling it a day.  But mountainwalk on an artifact creature is irregular.  Maybe if there was a cycle of landwalking artifact creatures, it would make sense.  But I’m not dedicating five slots to them.  I understand why Wizards designed landwalk, but it’s well past its sell by date.  It penalizes players for playing the colors they like, it penalizes players for playing with basic lands, it discourages multi-colored decks, and it’s non-interactive.

Those are a lot of negatives.  If that’s the case, why did I settle on designing a creature with artifactwalk?  Don’t these same negatives apply to a creature with that ability?

 

 

Well, hosing artifacts isn’t the same as hosing a color.  If this card turned out to be a real problem (presumably in a Voltron-style deck that stacks equipment and auras on one unstoppable creature) you could sideboard out the three or four artifacts in your deck for reasonable alternatives.  Mono-red can’t side out the color red.  It’s possible you drafted an “Oops, all Artifacts!” deck, but it’s a lot less likely.

Timeserver designed this way still penalizes players for playing artifacts, though.  That might make sense as a piece of hate in a Mirrodin draft, where the environment is mostly artifact anyway.  But it’s an odd capricious choice in any other set where many of the artifacts are less efficient than their colored alternatives.  And it remains non-interactive.  Sure, you might sacrifice an artifact you control for a surprise block.  But Timeserver costs .  Most artifacts you could sacrifice for such a play won’t be worth sacrificing for such a play.

Alternatively, I thought about doing this…

 

 

In this version, your opponent isn’t hosed for playing with artifacts.  Instead you are rewarded for playing artifacts.  And this version of the card is more interactive too.  Now, in response to your Timeserver attack, I can Smelt the artifact that turns it ‘on’.  I’m not throwing away a resource to stop an annoying pest.  I’m using a spell on a permanent that was already a legitimate target for that spell.

But… this version of Timeserver isn’t the most direct color shift of Goblin Mountaineer.  The one with artifactwalk is.  This raises the question:  Which is more important, Integrity or Principle?

• Integrity: The challenge is to work with what Gatherer gives me.  Gatherer gave me a creature with Mountainwalk.  Our silly rules lead us to an artifact creature with artifactwalk.  The rules might seem arbitrary, but they are the rules.  And if we go around bending rules for our own convenience, then we’re not abiding by the challenge, and the entire set suffers for it.
• Principle: The ‘artifact tribal’ version of Timeserver isn’t a vast departure.  It’s a natural way of taking a mediocre mechanic and turning it into an asset.  It’s not a direct translation of the original card.  So what?  The point of draft is the intellectual challenge, and to have fun.  The ‘artifact tribal’ version does this, and choosing not to go with this design would mean the entire set suffers for it.

To be honest, I’m not sure which of these two choices are more correct.  I am interested in hearing what my readers prefer, though.  For now, both versions are in the file, but one will need to be removed.  If more readers tell me in the comments that they prefer Integrity or Principle, I’ll act accordingly and remove the offending Timeserver.

Since I’m not sure which version of Timeserver will be in the cube, I designed an artifact that works well with either version.

 

 

In theory, the Battlehorn is a benefit for all players. But it mostly rewards small creature rush strategies.  They’re the sort of decks that can pay two mana to re-gain control of the Horn, still drop two creatures, and take advantage of the incremental buff on the attack.  Mid-range and control would grapple with getting the most value out a minor boost to power, while struggling to cast a single spell after gaining control of the horn.  There should be board states where the wise play for those cost-heavy decks is to pass on gaining control of the horn for multiple turns in a row.  Which means the rush deck are getting a combined Orcish Oriflame and Honden of Seeing Winds for a pittance.

One last card this week Gatherer.  What’chu’gaht?

 

 

Huh.  Cartographer made sense in Weatherlight, which not only featured a graveyard theme, but also a few wurms and elephants that liked to eat land.  It was reprinted in Odyssey, a set that discarded cards in bulk.  We aren’t doing either of those things.

But there is a mill theme in the set.  A number of the cards that mill, mill all players.  And we previously established the concept that Green likes to take advantage of the Black and Blue incidental mill.  This fits that.  I guess it makes sense to design another card that mills the caster.  There are only so many card slots, though, and we could use another kill spell.  So I made this:

 

 

The plan is to use this as a kill spell with a drawback (which, in combination with cards like Cartographer, turns into a feature.)  But I also made sure to word this so it could be used to mill out the opponent.  That shouldn’t happen too often, but if all you need to kill your opponent is to knock two cards off the top of their library, then the cost of sacrificing your Wind Drake should be meaningless.

Moving on to our token creature of the log.  Countless Gears Renegade needs a Servo.

 

 

The art for this servo token gave me the same problem I had with Timeseeker.  It’s not hard to find artwork of robots online.  Artwork of robots in a fantasy setting?  That’s doable.  Good fantasy artwork of small artifact creatures which don’t look like androids?  Grr…

So this took a while.  But when I found Matt Dixon‘s work, I hit the goldmine.  If you dig cute, introspective, Calvin and Hobbes-esque soulless little servants, Dixon’s portfolio is full of them.  My biggest regret is that token art is supposed to lean toward the generic, so I used one of the less dynamic pieces.  Still pretty, though.

Alright, that’s all I wrote for this installment.  I’ll leave a link here to the next log when I write it, but in the meantime, perhaps you’d like to check out the According to Gatherer archives?