Evidently, I am a desktop background

You may have noticed the snazzy new Gravatar image of yours truly.  I appear to be some sort of wizard.

This image was commissioned for the Myriad Games Podcast and can be found here along with artwork for the other 11 regulars on the show.  (We have a really large cast.  Thankfully, most podcasts only feature six or fewer of us at a time.  Although, from the arguing back and forth, it sometimes sounds like a congregational subcommittee during sweeps week.)  I looked through a bunch of old e-mails to find out who the original artist is, but can’t find his or her name.  Hey Dan!  If you’re reading this, who do I credit for the spectacular artwork?

Why, exactly, am I a Wizard?  All the caricatures commissioned have a common board game trope attached to it.  Wizards are a staple of fantasy gaming, and was saddled with me.  Why do I look like I’ve been slugged in the face?  Maybe it’s because I stole someone’s fish?  Or perhaps that’s what I look like when I’ve been thinking about something for too long.  I’m not sure.  I tried to think hard about something while staring at the mirror, but then I wasn’t looking at my face close enough anymore so it is possible that my face looks like it’s being punched by Evander Holyfield whenever I start a-thinkin’.

The real puzzler, of course, is “Why is do I have a fish hand?”  I’m pretty sure I don’t get one of those when I think too hard.  People would be more likely to comment upon that.  I figure there are two different possibilities:

1).  This avatar of me has the power to absorb other creature’s abilities by placing them in a beaker of frothy purple elixir, wearing a cloak of wizardry and thinking really hard about it.  Unfortunately, I seem to only able to transform the limb that is touching the beaker, and can only maintain that form through an incredible amount of concentration.  Also, as a side effect, the creature trapped in the elixir is forced to make the same expression that I make.  I admit, if I was a wizard, I would probably spend too much time learning that spell.

2). The avatar of me has no idea how this fish survives inside this purple liquid, and is a little freaked out that he can make out the details of the fish through the liquid and is even more freaked out that, whatever facial expression he makes, the fish quickly mimics him.  Needing to get a better look at the strange animal, my alternate self decided to pick the vial up an get a good hard look at it… but didn’t want to touch the vial with my bare hands.  Who knows what strangeness lurks on the surface of that vial.  I looked around for something to pick up the vial, but couldn’t find any science gloves (yes, that is what they are called).  I did, however, find this lady’s green evening glove.  It’s much too small, and I’m afraid I left some stretch marks in it, but it will have to do for now, while I ponder.

The new caricature was expected.  But when I went to the Myriad Games Podcast: Meet the Cast page, I was surprised to find this:

A desktop background.  I have a desktop background.  Somewhere, sometime, someone might actually say to themselves “Hey, cool!  A desktop background of John-Michael!  I hate that guy!  Wouldn’t it be ironic for me to have a desktop background of him?  What do you mean I don’t know what the definition of ironic is?  Screw you man, I’m putting this on my desktop anyway!”

Bravo, Sara and Dan, I did not expect this one.  I know you made a desktop wallpaper for everyone on the podcast, but I can’t get over how ridiculous it is that teenage girls can now pin me up on their computer screen and fawn over my contemplation of a goldfish.  For those of you crazy enough to want your very own John-Michael wallpaper, feel free to download the 1600 x 1200 or the 1920 x 1200 version by clicking on those two links.  And if I know you, I know you can’t wait to slap a goofy looking picture of me on your desktop so that you can marvel at my countenance for hours on end.

Why the heck do I have a fish hand?