Theros Block’s Greatest (and Worst) Hits, According to Gatherer

The Khans of Tarkir are at the gates, ready to conquer Magic as we know it.  It’s time to talk about Theros!  Wait, what?

In the According to Gatherer series, I play the part of a Greek bearing gifts of the best and worst Magic offers.  Beware!  In Magic, What’s ‘good’ and ‘bad’ is subjective.  That’s why I shift the blame back on the players, and how they vote on Gatherer.  I’m Shaggy, not Vanilla Ice.  If you got a problem, it wasn’t me.  I don’t make the terrible decisions.  I’m just here to justify them.

I can’t comment on new cards, however.  As soon as Khans of Tarkir is in the database, I can almost guarantee that the highest rated card in all of Magic will be a basic land.  And while Plains is indeed strong, I doubt the four manic followers of Bob Ross who think the sweeping steppes of Tarkir make for beautiful happy accidents are an ideal sample group.

We did a block breakdown once before with Return to Ravnica.  And as with that article, I’m tired of all the introducing.  Bring out the cards!

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Most Desirable Card – Mana Confluence

When the highest rated card in Gatherer is a land, that must be one heck of a land.  Mana Confluence is a monster who thrives atop the heap.  This, despite tier one Theros block decks focusing on devotion to one or two colors.  When Khans of Tarkir brings five three-color wedge decks to the table, expect the star power to ignite its afterburners, shooting this rocket into orbit.

But Mana Confluence always hurts you!  There’s no tap for colorless escape clause!

If this is what’s bothering you, then let me pass on a little piece of advice: If you win the game, it doesn’t matter what your life total is.  You won.  And one of the simplest ways to win is to play with all the best cards, all the time.  Mana Confluence turns those cards on.

How can I know the pain is worth the benefit?  Because City of Brass has been the champion of five color good stuff, and three color aggro for years.  Unlike City of Brass, you can’t prevent Mana Confluence’s damage.  But you probably weren’t running Samite Healer anyway.  The chances your opponent is playing something that taps a permanent isn’t likely, either.  But they might.  You won’t know until you play against them.  And if they happen to pack Captain of the Mists, then here’s hoping you’re playing Confluence, and not getting tapped for damage every turn.

Best Comment, by car2n:  “Hey, that’s some gorgeous art! I bet that’ll look downright purty on a foil.”

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Runner Up – Aegis of the Gods

An Ivory Mask for less, and the drawback is that it’s a 2/1 Human Solider?  I mean, it’s nice and all that Ivory Mask can’t be Doom Bladed.  But the mask can’t swing for two damage, or gaze into a Witches’ Eye.  Sure, it sucks your opponent can take this guy out with a Grapeshot.  But at least the rest of the Grapeshot storm won’t be aimed at your face.

And he comes out before your opponent can hit you with anything meaningful.  If you go first, and play your Aegis, your Aegis dodges a potential Distress, nor will anything else in your hand be Distressed, either.  Even if your opponent is packing creature removal, you grabbed their hand, forcing them to play cards out of order.  That tempo complication could prevent your opponent from ever Distressing Blood Baron of Vizkopa, winning you the game.

And it’s not like Ivory Mask could use the update.  The Mask sports a spiffy 4.111 star rating on Gatherer.  Is this a thing now?  Are we printing four star, four casting cost enchantments on two cost creatures?  Because I wouldn’t mind getting my hands on a a 2/1 Glare of Subdual for , or a 2/1 Coastal Piracy for .  Or are we restricting all this madness to one card?

Best comment by Surewhynot: “His disciples and Athreos himself wear cloths to cover their face. This, along side the flavor text here and the fact that His temple is the Temple of Silence (i.e. moment of silence) makes me feel that Athreos not only sees a great duty in guiding the dead, but He feels empathy and remorse towards them. Very cool.”

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Most Adrenalizing Green Card – Eidolon of Blossoms

In the Best and Worst Hits of Ravnica, I pulled forward the best red card because red could use more love, and because I’m a self-promoting fool who was cross-referencing my Ten Most Devastating Red Cards, According to Gatherer.  (Look!  I’m at it again!)  This year, I added the Ten Most Adrenalizing Green Cards to the According to Gatherer Series (Links here!  Get your fresh hot links here!) I suppose we change this category’s focus while shilling a new article, eh?

Where do I begin?  The obvious choice is to talk about Verduran Enchantress.  This is a new Verduran Enchantress.  The enchantress still stands solid at 3.973 stars.  But it’s hard comparing the power level of these two cards.  The extra muddles things.  Plus two power and a cantrip; is it worth the extra mana?

Perhaps we can get a better idea of how good this card is by instead comparing it to Shaman of Spring.

Sure, it’s a common, and there’s one less colored mana in the cost.  But Wizards thinks Striped Bears is still legitimate fifteen years after Weatherlight graced store shelves.  And players think so, too.  It’s too early to draw much information on Magic 2015 cards, since the set is only a couple months old.  But, currently, the Shaman is performing slightly higher than Striped Bears’ 3.049.  Eidolon of Blossoms takes Shaman of Spring’s three star body and slaps the text from a four star card on top of it.  The value for your extra mana is a bargain.

Best comment by Pendulous: “Who knew Wall of Blossoms was hiding a person in there?”

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Most Awesome Legendary Commander – King Macar, the Gold Cursed

I designed the Inspired mechanic a decade ago.  It’s true!  I got witnesses!  Back before Power to the Meeple and the Myriad Games Podcast got together to play and review games, we were getting together on a weekly basis to develop my homemade Magic set, which just so happened to use the Inspired mechanic as a theme (Not named ‘Inspired’, because I’m not psychic.  And even if I was, that would be the least useful psychic ability, ever.)  Back then, I learned something very important about Inspired.  It can be tough to start, but once it gets going, it unhinges games.

I found this out the hard way, since I undercosted most of them.  It takes a profitable avenue of attack, and three turns before Inspired naturally goes off (if you don’t have a way to tap your own creature.)  Tricky.  But once it happens, you switch from under to overdog, snapping at the heels of your cowering opponent.  For example, in my set, there used to be a modestly costed Inspired common creature that bounced another creature to hand when it untapped.  It didn’t look like much unless it happened to slip one hit past the opponent.  Next turn, that opponent would re-play his blocker, but your bouncy inspired dude would ship it back on your untap step.  The opponent would re-cast their blocker again, and it would return again.  It could take time for your opponent to fetch an answer.  By that point, you were probably holding an answer for their answer.

If that creature exiled instead of bounced, though?  It wouldn’t be be an endless loop.  It would be a massacre.

What I’m saying is that Old King Midas over here needs some help getting up in the morning.  But he’s still king.  Give him a Scepter of Dominance or a Crown of Empires and he will rule.  Heck, loan him a Springleaf Drum and he becomes King of the Drums, and the most dangerous musician in the land.  And he creates his own tips, too.

Best comment by Syrazemyla: “That gold toga must be horribly uncomfortable.”

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Most Boring Card – Gold Forged Sentinel

In the Six Most Boring Cards, According to Gatherer we discovered, through rigorous scientific evaluation, that 2.071 was the most boring rating any card could receive.  Gold-Forged Sentinel, the card with the closest score, is like a gold foil easter egg with the wrapper hastily lifted up and away, only to reveal a goat inside.  It might sound cool, but if you saw the size of that egg, I’m guessing you wouldn’t be psyching yourself up for a goat.

The Sentinel is acceptable in draft.  Four flying damage is fine for any color.  It isn’t particularly exciting, either.  And as soon as we leave the insular circuit of limited, this goat is immediately outclassed by the history of Magic.  Excepting green, every color can make a better 4/4 flyer for six.  And green has better things to do with that much mana.

Also, I haven’t seen such a mess of flavor since I took part in the Schmidt-Patel wedding reception.  What makes this creature a sentinel?  The artwork is of a goat with wings, doing what goats do best: climbing on top of things.  Flying 4/4 creatures attack more than they block.  Even the flavor text tells us this creature is ‘Beholden to neither gods nor mortals.’  The creature type isn’t a Soldier.  It isn’t a Goat either, much to the chagrin of the ever-swelling legion of goat tribal players.  The creature type is ‘Chimera‘, which means “We could have made this a ‘Creature – Goat Snake Cat Dragon’ and made a lot of people happy, but instead this creature combines with Visions’ Iron-Heart Chimera to make a card that might be worth six mana.”

So I suppose this is a Sentinel in the strict Oxford dictionary sense?  “A person or thing that watches, or stands as if watching.”  Great.  Just what I wanted.  A creature that looks at stuff.

Best comment by MasterOfCruelties: “I’d much rather have this as an uncommon than, say, Lotus Guardian as a rare.”

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Most Despised Card – Lightning Diadem

Hoo boy.  This isn’t quite Ember Shot, but… wait a second… let me look at Ember Shot one more time.

No, Ember Shot is worse.  But this sure does try.

Lightning Diadem is a Shock stapled to a Giant Strength with bonus mana for funsies.  It comes down on the same round your opponent plays an Inferno Titan, to answer your opponent’s Blood Knight.  Oh, and even if it was round six, and the only creature in play was a lone Blood Knight, you still can’t use the Diadem to kill it.  All you could do is charge your opponent 2 life for the +2/+2 bonus their Blood Knight is getting.

I suppose you could always Demystify the Diadem in response to the damage.  Great play.  Unfortunately, you can tell no one about it without admitting you put Lightning Diadem in your deck.

Best comment, by TheVisier:  “I really hope the in the mana cost was a typo.”

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