Can You Rate the Card, According to Gatherer? Quiz #3

I love me a one drop with an activated ability stapled to it.  Votary of the Conclave gives players something to do in the early game (attack), and provides a relevant ability for the mid/late game (regeneration).  Except…  well…

I mean, Votary doesn’t do any one thing particularly well.  White is the color of cheap early creatures; if anyone is surprised by the Votary’s power and toughness, it’s because they expected better.  Meanwhile, regeneration is a great ability, but three mana is a stretch.

So Votary comes down early, but makes a poor attacker.  In the late game it can attack every turn, but the odds of Votary sneaking in those last few points of damage are low.  Meanwhile, Votary makes a poor defender.  It comes out early, but the regeneration doesn’t turn on until you’re done playing your game.

Compare this card to one with a stronger purpose, like Urborg Skeleton.  The skeleton knows what it’s here for.  It blocks early, and often, and comes with a bonus +1/+1 later in the game, all without monkeying with the color pie.  That’s why Urborg Skeleton deserves its 3.488 stars, and why Votary can’t bridge the two star gap.

2.275 – Zarichi Tiger

Better.  Not great, mind you.  But at least this cat is focused in its goal.  It wants to protect you, and gain you life.

The flavor of this card, though, is a convoluted mess.  We’re on Ravnica, where the majority religion is Orzhov. But this tiger belongs to the Temple of Zarichi.  What’s the “Temple of Zarichi”, you ask?  I don’t know, and neither does Google.  But if I’m to follow the logic, it’s a temple full of priests who raise tigers that grant magical healing power.  And, if I’m to go by the artwork, I’m guessing you gain life when the tiger mauls you.  Thanks, but no thanks.  The Orzhov put a high price on faith, but at least they don’t encourage being savaged by a jungle megafauna.

2.618 – Explosive Growth

To be honest, I expected this card to be rated higher.  I mean, compare this card to 3.923 star card Burst Lightning: sure, the kicker costs one more, but it grants an additional +1/+1.  I know Giant Growth will never be equal to Lightning Bolt, but that doesn’t mean Growth isn’t a strong card in its own right.

But I guess expensive boost is riskier than expensive burn.  When I tap out to Burst Lightning, I expect to deal four to an opponent.  But a kicked Explosive Growth fizzles to any number of kill, bounce or flicker effects.  That and the art is ugly.  Like, lead-guitarist-for-a-rock-band-that-still-tours-forty-years-after-surviving-their-drug-fueled-stardom ugly.

3.079 – Archangel

It’ a shame to put such a beautiful card next to such an ugly card (thankfully, my spoilers come with ‘Hide’ buttons.  Feel free to take advantage of them.)  Even the Starter expansion symbol, which I normally consider cheesy, provides us with a neat cutie mark for our evening wear Archangel.

Back in 1996, a friend of mine switched a pair of Serra Angels from his deck for a pair of Archangels.  When asked why, he responded, “Because when Archangel fights Serra Angel, the Archangel wins.”

The crazy thing is, to this day, I still can’t refute that logic.  In early control decks, casting cost didn’t seem to matter.  Two colorless for +1/+1?  Excellent.  Archangel used to be one of the largest creatures in the air without a drawback.  And when your deck is full of cheap removal like Swords to Plowshares and Counterspells, you don’t care how much you pay for your bomb, so long as it explodes.

Today, Archangel costs far, far too much.  She still gets the job done, and she picks up style points while doing it.  If you dome me with four attacks from Archangel, I’ll stand up and shake your hand.  Unless we’re playing a strange format, though, I wouldn’t run her myself.

3.424 – Fate Foretold

Cute card.  It’s the kind of card I sucker myself into drafting instead of a piece of removal, or a solid creature.  Except, whenever I drafted Theros, Fate Foretold tended to vacuum out of packs before it hit my sucker threshold.  Guess I’m not the only one with a card advantage fixation.

Of course, Theros also contained the Heroic keyword, as seen on cards like Wavecrash Triton.  Cheap auras that replaced themselves were great for keeping Heroes happy.  I wonder what kind of score Fate Foretold would receive if it was reprinted in Magic 2017?

3.536 – Iridescent Drake

This is what happens when you ask a young-ish Mark Rosewater to design a set for you.  You end up with a set full of combo enablers.

To be sure, you don’t need to build your deck around shoving a huge aura in your graveyard.  If your deck contains enough auras, then a card like Fate Foretold can work double duty.  Indeed, why bother playing Auramancer when the Drake can drop the aura on the field for free?  And did you know that Iridiescent Drake can steal auras from your opponent’s graveyard?  Nice Elephant Guide you got there.

But, yeah.  You could also discard an Eldrazi Conscription, then cast a 12/12, flying, trampling, double annihilating creature on round four.  That sounds good, too.

3.788 – Cateran Summons

For the “You Rate the Card” quizzes, I ‘choose’ cards by hitting the ‘random card’ button on Gatherer ten times.  The first thing I do, after copying the card names, is to take my own quiz.  And let me tell ya, I got Cateran Summons dead wrong.

In my head, I thought “Cateran Summons is cheap and flexible.  But it’s a tutor which lets you choose from among some of the worst cards in the game.  Even if a player could find an appropriate Mercenary for their deck, the chances of them casting Cateran Summons and choosing between two Mercenaries is too low to consider.  Tenth Place.”

Whoops.  Turns out I’m way off.  I blame my error on all the times I tried to coerce Mercenaries into competing back when Counter-Rebel was a thing, and failing hard each and every time.  It’s true.  The Mercenaries in Masques Block are bad.  For reference, though, here’s a list of non-Masque Mercenaries you can tutor for with Cateran Summons, with occasional thanks to the great creature type update:  Dauthi Mercenary, Doomed Necromancer, Mercenary Knight, Rogue Skycaptain, Sokenzan Renegade and Soldier of Fortune.

Then there’s there’s the twenty-six Changelings, including all-stars Taurean Mauler and Chameleon Colossus.  It’s easy to forget the Changelings, since they’re commonly brought up as trivial technicalities (name a Treefolk with flying.)  But Cateran Summons is so efficient, that a splash of Changeling isn’t a ridiculous idea.  Especially since this card can tutor for Mercenary instants and sorceries, like Blades of Velis Vel, Crib Swap, Nameless Inversion and Wings of Velis Vel.

And now that there’s a stable of good Mercenaries kicking around, some of the old Masques Mercs don’t look ridiculous anymore.  Rathi Assassin and Strongarm Thug are looking good.  Silent Assassin and Skulking Fugitive weren’t poor workers, they were just surrounded by idiots.  And Moggcatcher can flash a Siege-Gang Commander on the battlefield every turn for ?  What the?

4.064 – Sun Quan, Lord of Wu

“When Sun Quan enters the battlefield, creatures you control are unblockable until end of turn.  Sun Quan is always entering the battlefield.”

I feel like I should take the time to explain Portal: Three Kingdoms, and go on to explain why Horsemanship sounded like a good idea at the time.   But that’s two whole articles right there.  Let’s keep it simple, and say that Portal: Three Kingdoms is an enigma of a Magic product which wasn’t expected to be played in Western Civilization.  And horsemanship was a way to include flying in a set that couldn’t include flying, because the Romance of Three Kingdoms is one crazy history book, but people only fly on rare occasions  in it.

Instead, let’s talk about Sun Quan, founder of the East Coast Wu Clan.  According to the Romance of Three Kingdoms, Sun Quan was a wildly unstable leader, who conceded to the Wei Kingdom three times, only to gain the upper hand and become the Emperor of Wu once again.  In his first concession, Sun Quan won a hard fought battle against Cao Cao’s forces, then surrendered after the battle was over, since he knew he could not win the war.

In 230 A.D., one year after declaring himself emperor, Sun Quan, against the advice of his advisers, summoned a 10,000 man navy to discover and conquer the legendary islands of Yizhou and Danzhou.  I should re-stress this.  Sun Quan didn’t know if the islands were real or not, but he sent his navy to conquer them anyway.  This would be equivalent to Queen Isabella I of Spain, instead of commissioning Christopher Columbus and a small exploratory party  to discover a passage across the Atlantic to the Indies, committing her entire navy to conquer the Indies on the off chance one could reach it by sailing West.  Sun Quan’s men never discovered Danzhou, but they did find and conquer Yizhou after 90% of the navy died due to sickness and starvation.

4.269 – Ninth Edition

For many tribal decks, Coat of Arms is more than a shot in the arm.  It’s a full intravenous drip bag of pure adrenaline.  If Metalcraft and  Battalion taught us anything, it’s that putting three creatures on the board isn’t difficult for a dedicated deck to do.  If those three creatures all happen to be Kithkin herders, then Coat of Arms gives those Kithkin +2/+2.  If those Kithikin are tending over a field of seven Goat tokens, then they become the proud owners of seven Goat Titans.

Coat of Arms is a full walnut tree of nuts.  But if you’re messing with heraldry, you need to commit.  Sure, Coat will grant a benefit if your deck includes fifteen Centaurs.  There’s nothing wrong with granting +2/+2 to your team for .  But if you play against a Sliver player, your opponent will get a lot more value out of your artifact that you ever can.  Heck, sometimes your opponent isn’t even playing tribal, but will still get random value off of unexpected overlapping creatures.  “I cast Merfolk Looter.  Oh, weird, that’s a Rogue as well?  I guess I attack with my two Deft Duelists, then.  Wanna chump with your Centaurs?”

When it does work, though, Coat of Arms works very, very well.  It turns mediocre cards like Emrakul’s Hatcher into gut punches, and makes good cards like Snake Basket straight up bonkers.  It turns winning situations into ‘win right now’ situations.  But you may want to hold it back as a surprise, lest you get an unwelcome surprise, yourself.

4.351 – Savannah Lions

For every player who complains about power creep in Magic, there’s a Savannah Lions waiting in their closet, ready to pounce.  Granted, Wizards printed cards that are effectively better (such as Isamaru, Hound of Konda and perhaps Rakdos Cackler.) Heck, they printed a few cards that are functionally better:  Elite Vanguard is both a Human and a Solider, and Dryad Militant is both hybrid, and comes with an occasionally relevant ability.  None of those cards negate the power and prestige of the original king of Magic’s jungle.  In the Alpha world of overcosted creatures and undercosted removal, The lion pride hit the ground running and tore opponents to shreds, two life per chomp.

While Dryad Militant rightfully features a higher score (4.360), I find it interesting how players voted for Elite Vanguard compared to the original cat.  Elite Vanguard in Magic 2010?  4.286.  Magic 2012?  4.030.  Duel Decks: Elsperth vs. Tezzeret? 3.688.  I get the distinct impression that every year the Lions aren’t reprinted, players become more and more disenfranchised with a random soldier pretending to be one of the best white creatures in the game.