Scrabble’s Two Letter Words – Hm & Ho

by jmgariepy · November 6, 2013

Wait a moment. Or, I’m thinking. Or, huh? Or, Me likey. Or, You’re not planning on wearing that outside the house, are you? Or, I expected the cat would have enough sense to not keep ramming itself into our new sliding glass door, but I guess not. Or, if I didn’t use any of its lyrics in this article, why did I listen to that C+C Music Factory song? Or, Whatchu say? That you only meant well? Of course you did.

I could go on, but you get the idea. No matter how the dictionary defines ‘hm’, the utterance doesn’t mean anything. It’s the sound you make with your throat when you want to say something, without opening your mouth. Why would you do that? Because you’re embarrassed for your friend who admitted their favorite Star Wars character is Jar Jar Binks, perhaps? Or, because even if you could say something, you wouldn’t know how to respond to such an absurd thought? Or, even if you found the words inside you to express horror at your former friend’s lack of taste, you shouldn’t need to say anything at all, and your friend should know–they just should know how disgusted you are. Exactly what kind of monster are you Steve? Hm?

Unfortunately, the last two paragraphs only makes sense if ‘hm’ is a real word. It appears that the Scrabble Dictionary is making assumptions about the ‘word’ hm. Oh, you can find ‘hm’ in the Oxford Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, American Heritage and Dicitionary.com. But in each of those dictionaries, hm is an abbreviation for hectometer, and abbreviations don’t count. Hm makes an appearance in Urbandictionary.com and Wikitionary, but, while both those websites are excellent resources, they are far from official. Wikitionary would work if it cited a reference, but it doesn’t. I get the impression that the editors of Wikitionary are making the same assumption the Scrabble Dicitionary is. ‘Hm’ is a shortened form of ‘hmm’. It must be a word, right? I guess not. It counts for points in Scrabble-land, but I wouldn’t use it anywhere else.

As for why we say ‘hmm’? Nicholas Christenfeld, a professor of psychology for the University of California thinks its because the sound is the simplest possible noise a human can make. You know, if we assume that leaving your mouth closed to make a noise is easier than opening it. I find it interesting that the easiest to pronounce sound in the English language can contain paragraphs in a single utterance. I can’t figure out if it that’s genius, or just plain lazy. Hm.

A whore. I’m fond of this definition on Urbandictionary.com:

“The name for a lady who does put out. A bitch is the name for a lady who puts out for everyone but you.”

Oh, sure, it’s also the laugh Santa Claus makes, and another way to say ‘hey’, but this series is ponderous enough. Let’s talk about loose women!

Honestly, I wasn’t expecting this definition to appear in the dictionary. I should have known better. It’s a common word, even if it’s used as a slang insult. In fact, I’d say that I hear the word in casual conversation more than I hear the word ‘whore’… but I come from the part of the United States that popularized the word ‘ho’ (East coast Yankees don’t like to pronounce the letter ‘R’.) Rhotic countries, however, prefer a good whore.

Let’s get something straight: The word ‘ho’ isn’t a terrible word. It’s the skany-ass people who use the word who are the problem. There nothing wrong with the idea of a woman who enjoys sex, and seeks out multiple partners. God bless them. I don’t think whores get enough credit for how hard their hobby of choice must be. I couldn’t imagine the prospect of forever petitioning partners of questionable pedigree for a single night of pleasure. It sounds exhausting. But if that’s how you get your kicks, then I congratulate you. You’re getting more exercise than the ugly Americans who criticize you.

The truth is that most people who use the term ‘ho’ are jealous. Many of them would love to fill their nights with exciting trysts, but can’t, because they’re afraid other people will call them a ho. How silly, yet common. But this is a very old discussion. So let’s talk about something topical, and lean on the relationship between the word ‘ho’ and the word ‘prostitute’. Did you know that a number of hos will be getting coverage via Obamacare? And by that, I mean strippers, masseurs, escorts, pornographers and plain old prostitutes got together in the Sanfrancisco Bay area held a meet and greet to talk about registering for health care. This, of course, spurred outrage on a number of ‘news’ shows and political websites. Because, you know, the audacity of it all–that universal health coverage must be applied universally. Can you just imagine it? All these people now encouraged to register their businesses with the IRS in order to prove they’re commonly at risk as a self-employed worker in the sex industry, and, thus, give the IRS an opportunity to come after these tax evaders for their back taxes. Unbelievable.

Listen, you can like or hate Obamacare. Since I don’t want to get political on a non-political blog, let’s just say the system is deserving of criticism and leave it at that. But lay off the hos. You don’t need to respect them; but you also don’t need to harass them. I’m guessing that their job is more stressful and dangerous than yours, even if they spend more time on their backs than you do.

Are you a logophile eager to learn more? Why don’t you head on over to the Scrabble’s Two Letter Words Page?