Can You Rate 10 Random Magic Cards, According to Gatherer?

1.833 Stars – Thoughtlace

Limping into dead last is Thoughtlace. I don’t think that surprised many people. Thoughtlace is the cardboard definition of ‘narrow’, and is one-half the definition of ‘card disadvantage’.  Ever since all interrupts became instants, it’s been strictly worse than Prismatic Lace.  Honestly, I think the reason why it floats above 1.5 stars is for the Alan Parson’s Project, Eye in the Sky artwork.

2.007 Stars – Yoked Plowbeast

Sure, Yoked Plowbeast is versatile. You can cycle it early, or drop a 5/5 beast late. It’s even a fatty in a color with few common fatties. But 5/5 for seven is underwhelming. And cycling gets you a different card. Maybe, when constructing your deck, you should switch in another copy of the card you’ll inevitably cycle for, instead of Yoked Plowbeast.

2.814 Stars – Knight Errant

There’s nothing particularly wrong with Knight Errant. There’s also little to get excited about. 2/2 for two is below par in white nowadays. We use cards like Knight Errant when we teach new players how to play Magic, since those square stats keep the game nice and simple.  But most new players are quick to find a replacement. If you’re starved for yet another knight in your tribal Commander deck… but with 177 other knights in the game, even that seems unlikely.

2.923 Stars – Mudbrawler Cohort

I find it interesting that Knight Errant and Mudbrawler Cohort were matched side to side, and that the Cohort won out. With set up, the Cohort is better. Without it, the cohort is worse. The set up is easy: play a red creature on round one, and stick it into round two. But you’re still subject to the whims of the game, and you’re as likely to have a round one creature in play as not. In the end, the Cohort received more stars. Maybe, not because it’s a better card, so much as it could be a better card, and that’s enough.

3.329 Stars – Righteous Cause

I admit it.  I called this card wrong when I took my own challenge. My ten cards were different, so it’s not worth going into detail over the results (I disqualified any card that wasn’t at least a full tenth of a star away from all other cards. I think the puzzle is more fun if it’s ‘solvable’). Originally, I placed The Cause second from the top. It hoses horde strategies, while giving a lump of life every turn to your horde attacks, and the payout can get nuts in multiplayer where players aren’t attacking you.

But not all Magic is multiplayer. There are plenty of games where Orim’s Prayer would be superior—a card that gains you life only for creatures attacking you, but costs less.

Then there’s the expansion set. Divine vs. Demonic is full of angels and demons descending on the battlefield and slamming into each other. Righteous Cause doesn’t make sense with those decks, since neither player fields a horde of small creatures. The original Onslaught card is only worth a tenth of star more, but that tenth of a star reinforces the problem. Righteous Cause is only good in the perfect environment.

3.440 Stars – Stone Giant

Flavor alone tosses Stone Giant into the top five. He’s an inefficient, situational card. How often do you need to give a Grizzly Bears flying, at the expense of sacrificing it at the end of turn? But… he picks up Grizzly Bears and throws them at people. Who cares if the card is good or not. That’s hilarious!

Personally, I wait for the day Stone Giant screams a Howl from Beyond, Twitches, and throws himself through the air, slamming into the opponent with a mighty roar. I’m still waiting.

3.543 Stars – Mephitic Ooze

How many artifacts will you have in play when Mephitic Ooze gushes onto the table? It isn’t hard to imagine nudging the average deck to include a few more artifacts. With the ooze’s guaranteed five toughness and ‘better than deathtouch’ turned on by a single mana rock, the ooze is happy to block while you build it an artifact suite.

But what’s a reasonable power to expect? When we look at Metalcraft, I think the assumption is that three artifacts should be common by mid-game, in an artifact heavy block. So, maybe, if you flooded your deck full of artifacts, you can expect this card to be a 5/5 or 6/5 for 5 by turn seven or eight?

One of the commenters on Gatherer thinks you “can quite easily make a 12/5 or better”. And maybe you could, if your deck became a slave to the Mephitic Ooze. But I’m uncomfortable building an entire deck around an otherwise vulnerable, five toughness creature. Most of the voters seem to agree with that assessment.

3.736 Stars – Ana Battlemage

I was concerned voters might not recognize how good this card is. Mostly, I was afraid of players who refuse to cast something unless they can get maximum value for their card. Mark Rosewater used to have this same problem with Kavu Titan (which he talks about on his podcast). In the Future Future League, Randy Bueler handed MaRo a green stompy deck with four Grizzly Bears in it. It was a good deck, and Mark went on to win all of his matches. Later, Randy caught up with MaRo and told him the Grizzly Bears weren’t bears. They were Kavu Titans, which you could play as a 2/2 for , or as a 5/5 trampler for . Armed with that knowledge, MaRo went on to lose a lot of matches. His mind told him to hold the Titans until he could get maximum vaule out of the card. By that point, though, he’d lose control of the game.

I didn’t need to worry. As long as there are no drawbacks, the voters check themselves and vote up powerful cards. Besides, players who refuse to pay anything less than full value for a card aren’t interested in costed for value ratios. They want a big boom cannon. Ana Battlemage brings the boom. Tap your opponent’s biggest creature, deal damage equal to that creature’s power, then force them to discard three cards? Ker-blammo. Sure, it costs , but you’ll wreck someone when it works.

That, and for the rest of us who aren’t as patient, the blue and black kicker are well costed, assuming we get a bonus 2/2 body for our trouble. The only inefficient play is to not kick the battlemage. It’s not great, but it’s an option. That can’t be said about many other ‘enter the battlefield’ creatures.

4.023 Stars – Killer Bees

Killer Bees is an efficient mono-green flying creature. That’s very rare, and, really, it’s all the explanation we need for why this card broke the four star barrier. Uncontested, it represents a Blaze+1 to the head every turn.

The card must also be picking up fractions of stars for nostalgia value, for the goofy artwork and its iconic name. It’s also on a very short list of creatures that are as good now as they were in 1994. Killer Bees stood solid throughout Magic history. The community’s response is to reward it wit a solid four stars.

4.228 Stars – Devoted Druid

Did you get this one right? If not, you’re forgiven.  On the surface, Devoted Druid looks like any other mana elf. You can’t even play her on round one. How did this girl take top spot?

For starters, Devoted Druid isn’t just any mana elf.  She’s one of the best mana elves in the game. She won’t give you a three-cost dude on round two, but she do a five drop on three. They don’t teach that dance in Llanowar.

And that’s assuming you don’t boost her toughness. Slap Hero’s Resolve on the druid, and you can claim right now, or a bonus next turn. All your Giant Growths can now double as Dark Rituals.

The Druid isn’t restricted to mana, either. There are plenty of cards which are more than happy to abuse a creature who untaps so freely. Enchant her with Presence of Gond, and pop out a few more elf tokens. Equip a Viridian Longbow and let those Giant Growths become instant speed Arc Lightnings. Is three damage for not good enough for you? Block with Devoted Druid and cast a pair of Righteousnesses on her. and two spells for 14 damage divided any way you like? Good Gaea.

And, no, we’re not done. Since Devoted Druid trades one resource for another, it doesn’t take much to create an infinite combo, allowing us to end the game right now. I could delve into a pile of them, but that would require its own article. So I’ll leave you with a simple three card combo made of cheap commons. Play Devoted Druid. Enchant with Presence of Gond, then enchant with Sigil of the Nayan Gods. Tap Devoted Druid, put an elf into play. Every time a creature enters the battlefield, the Sigil grants our druid an additional +1/+1. Net result: Infinite Elves (and Infinite -1/-1 counters).